turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
