i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
