i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
