I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
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