i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
