if only i could text you this smell
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
