i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize