I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
