Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
