Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
