After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you inspire me to be a worse person
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
