did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize