Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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