yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize