ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
