I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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