Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
