i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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