Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
