So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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