Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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