the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
