he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
