ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize