Welp...herpes.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
