this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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