About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
