Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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