how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
