I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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