The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
