Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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