Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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