Your tits are I can't wait for
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
