Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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