I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
