i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
