not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
