Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
