How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
