I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Randomize
