I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize