I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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