The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize