I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize