Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
