Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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