there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
