Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
