you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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