so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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