Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
