Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
