Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
