So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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