I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
