I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize