She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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