That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
