we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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