I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my poor anus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
