Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I could fuck to npr.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
