Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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