Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
