I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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