I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
