i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
