I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
