Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
