My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
