That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
