I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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