I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
