Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
