it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
