the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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