Do you still have your period?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize