I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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