So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
