Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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