We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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