Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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