i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
