omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
