the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
