The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
