Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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