i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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