Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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