I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
