You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
