I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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