she woke up with a sticky ear
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
