Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
