i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize