I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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