How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
