why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
