tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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