His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize