Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
