wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
