Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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