My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
is it fun? or sober?
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