I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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