I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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