I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
