I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
