What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
