Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
