I accidentally had phone sex last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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