Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize